GO WHERE YOUR JOY IS

You know how when you are doing something you truly enjoy doing, there is no time and space, and how you wish it would never end, and how when you get in that flow of doing that joyful thing, you just go, and you feel so glorious, and want to keep going, and forever and ever? If you don’t know this feeling, you must find it, because it truly is the secret to happiness.

For me, finding the thing that gave me that primal sense of joy, brought me back from the dark night of my soul, for me, that thing was going back to ballet. At 39!! Once I gathered the courage and did that, everything else just effortlessly started happening to improve my life. It took me a couple of years to really understand how this works, but now it is very clear to me!!! When you give yourself to the thing that makes you the most joyful, you raise your vibration, your frequency, and you start attracting everything else that brings you that feeling!!! In Physics, this is called “resonance”.

At the time, I was an active duty soldier in the US Army, I was single and had limited financial resources, and a shattered heart, from one too many toxic relationships. But I realized, after some introspection, that to be truly happy, I needed to be able to dance, because when I was a child, dancing was my escape, and my solace. I don’t know why I quit then, but hey! No regrets! And I was a classically trained, Vaganova school ballet dancer. So I decided I had to find a ballet class to attend. At the time, all I wanted was a technique class once or twice a week, just to satisfy that empty space in my soul, that once filled, I knew would nourish me in every way, and allow me to be a better version of myself.

I was sooooo scared. I called all the ballet schools in town until I found one that had an adult class. It took me a couple of weeks to actually get the courage to show up. I spent entire days agonizing over what to wear and wondering who else would be there and what they would think of me (see, back then, I cared about such things!!) But once I did, that was it, I had found my sanctuary and I was on a roll! I was not satisfied! I started trying classes in nearby towns, even if they were not specifically for adults! I just wanted to be able to have my ballet time a few afternoons every week. Surprisingly, the feedback I got was all positive!!! Teachers praised my technique and said they could tell I was properly trained when I was a young girl!! This made my confidence soar! Not only was I able to still do what gave me joy, I did not suck at it!!! As you can probably guess, I had an excuse to spend money on leotards again! And that was fun, and it led to trying out more classes, and more fun, and little by little, the sadness and anger that I carried around for so long, was no longer with me. I woke up excited every day because at some point in that day, there was going to be something ballet related that I looked forward to.

Four years later, not only have I performed several times, but I am back on pointe shoes, I also do modern dance, I use ballet to teach bodybuilders how to move with grace, I attend a fabulous yearly summer intensive (Sun King Dance), and there I was photographed by the amazing Chris Winton-Stahle, and one of the images we created is now a stock photo!

And during that time, I started walking a little different, and smiling to myself a lot, and just enjoying every day a bit more! I still had no idea, but this new state of being, was the beginning of getting to know my higher self. It was about a year into this that I accidentally, completely by chance, met my now husband (that’s a great story for a later day!!) He was also healing from his own pain, and in a new mindset of just enjoying life and having no expectations of relying on anyone for happiness. We just enjoyed each other’s company, he mentored me in my military career, and we started having fun together. Then we realized that we were stronger together, and became inseparable pretty fast. Since we encouraged and motivated one another, the joy in both our lives kept growing exponentially! Suddenly, having a happy personal life for the first time ever, I realized that to make it complete I needed to be happy with my career choices as well. After careful consideration, I chose against joining active duty special operations, to return to the fitness industry after a very long break and with an entirely new outlook, because I realized that there was nothing better than to help people by teaching what I had been learning about health, fitness and mind body balance. I was lucky in a way, I was always a seeker, and intuitively always ran away from bad situations (my first marriage, un fit suitors, dead end jobs) But I wanted to help others find the best in themselves!

And this, is why I am here now, writing this, because I chose to follow my joy, not my pain, and see where it took me. Good choice all around!! The learning, self-discovery, and personal growth never stopped and I think they never will, and it all started with one small choice of going to that one ballet class, to get in touch with the real me!!

What drives you? What is the real you passionate about? What would make you jump out of your bed to go do it on a Saturday morning? What would give you silly, big smile, incredible happiness? Go do that shit!!! As soon as possible! Even if you have to start on a very small scale, start now!!! The rewards will be worth it, because the real you will become bolder, grow full of confidence, and start vibrating on that high frequency of joy, attracting all like-minded people, situations and things to you! Is that worth the little initial discomfort of doing something new? Ah, yea!!! I would say. So go on, and see where your joy takes you!!